Ocean blue, what have I done to you?

Gunna keep away my books for a while right now! You know, I'm so fucking excited for my exams to be over because I cannot stop thinking about the activities I'm going to do after that and I even wrote out a list of what I'm going to do, how I'm going to spend my time blah blah blah. Omg. Firstly, I.need.money. I.NEED.MONEY. I wanna buy my fuckin creepers shoes and I'm gunna need da money. It's expensive I know but I know I WANT IT and I'm going to save up and get them one day. $180 FLY. Another thing I really wanna get is a pair of rock climbing shoes. I'm as crazy as getting them creepers. The pair of shoes is called Rockstar and it's PINK in color. It looks fucking dope too I was so attracted to it when I first set my eyes on them! I just wanna climb all day!! And, leaving these activities aside, there is also another thing that I badly wanna do. I want to hang out with my friends.Yes, I can do that anytime but it's different. I've been at home a lot for this year and honestly my social life is pathetic. I'm going to be so painfully awkward in public ugh. Just kidding. Yeah but I just wanna hang out with them, have fun shopping together, talking together, laughing together, you know. My friends have been so busy with work and school that the only person who has the most flexible timing, who is willing to spend more time with me than others normally do, is Cedric. I'm not saying that meeting him is tiring, meeting him bores me out, but we're spending too much time together. And I do not want that. I'm sure he doesn't want this either. I want to spend some good time with my friends too. I do not want my life to revolve around him and only him. I want to have my own life too. And that is going to start right after my exams are over. :)

In 8 more days I'm going to sit for my O levels Math again. To be honest, I know myself that I have been trying hard for this year because I want this so bad. Here I am, sitting here and looking back at how much I had gone through, how I managed to overcome my emotions and knowing these will all be worth it. I had never fully believed in myself because I don't want to. I do not want to keep my hopes high, because I'm afraid that everything will suddenly go crashing down on me. But yeah I must say I'm quite positive for a pessimistic person hahaha. I have friends who are constantly there encouraging me, scolding me so that I would wake up and stop wallowing in self pity. And I appreciate that. Really. :) Thank you to everyone for everything.This is the last lap and I'm gonna make sure I do it well!